I honestly feel like a whole different person while I’m writing this. While yes, I am my old self, carrying my past experiences, I feel like I have aged several years in the span of a few days, due to a single incident that involved my partner’s physical health.
What happened was an accident. There is no need to worry about him, as he’s now doing fine. He’s in the process of recovering physically from what happened, and both of us are recharging emotionally and spiritually as well.
What we do have are takeaways from what happened, and I believe it happened for a reason (which was probably to teach us both — and me especially — a lesson).
Because of what happened I have pledged to myself to be more mindful and to exercise greater caution in making decisions. Even the split-second decisions are important; even the momentary choices that seem trivial. I now see how heightened emotions can be catastrophic, and I now have a better understanding of temptation and lust and how it works (not just in a sexual way, but also in terms of craving emotions or experiences). I have since pledged to be more mindful and prayerful, that I may be granted the wisdom to make decisions aligned with the greater good.
I need to think about what’s important, and really, truly, put that first — in my thoughts, my deeds, and my actions.
When I go out into the real world again, I don’t want to forget about these life lessons I’ve learned. I dread the moment I go back to work and resume my everyday rituals and habits and things just go back to “normal,” like television going from holiday programming to regular programming in a snap. Just like that — snap! — and it would be as if I hadn’t learned a thing at all.
I promise I won’t forget. Ever.