🎵 It’s the most wonderful time of the year… 🎵
Happy holidays to all! How was your Christmas? We hope you all got to spend quality time with family and loved ones! 😀 Of course let’s not forget about the introverts out there who would prefer some alone time.
On our end, Christmas Eve 2017 was a redemptive conclusion to a rather erratic year. However, as Fr. Jett Villarin said during last night’s Christmas mass at the Gesu in Ateneo (and I’ll do my best to paraphrase because remembering things verbatim isn’t my strong suit): “We must know how to filter out the noise to find out what really matters.”
As with climate vs. weather — when we talk about climate, we refer to the average of weather conditions on a long-term basis. However, in order to determine this, we must be able to filter out the disturbances — i.e., the occasional erratic weather state. The same applies to human relationships, and to life in general. 🙂
This year may have been full of highs and lows, and I choose to see it for what it is. I won’t sugarcoat the events that were painful or sad, nor deny that they ever happened. Instead, I choose to believe that they had to happen, and to harvest the lessons while learning to let go of the hurt they might’ve caused. 🙂
As we all know, Christmas is the season of giving!
Gift-giving this Christmas was a pleasant affair for us, no less. 🙂 This year, I felt truly blessed.
I may not have been the perfect partner/girlfriend, daughter, student, or worker this year (well, who is?) but that’s no excuse to not try harder next year.
I am simply grateful beyond words that some people chose to see past my imperfections and accept my totality as a human being. Those nearest and dearest to me saw through me very well. They embraced my dark side while lovingly reaching out to that darkness, gradually leading me back to the light. Come to think of it, I had always been afraid of showing people my uglier side, for fear that nobody would accept me if they found out. I hid it so well, even I no longer knew that side of mine existed. Then it would come leaping out at the most inopportune of times.
I admit, I have so much work to do on myself, and I know now that I cannot possibly do it alone. In the words of another young female blogger whom I admire (Trezska Oliveria), “we (human beings) are made for each other.” I understand that better now. No man is an island. How dreadfully arrogant it would be of me to claim I can thrive in this world entirely on my own.
The lesson I learned in 2017
…was to let go of my pride. To accept that submission was not the same as being controlled. Come to think of it, I’d always hated the thought of being controlled. In reality, I had absolutely no idea how to lead. So I always ended up following other people, hating it, and then rebelling.
Then I read about the difference between having control and having a sense of control. And how, ironically, learning to submit to a higher power, or to some form of unknown — actually gives one a greater sense of control. This, in turn, makes one more stable as a person.
I always thought asking for help was an inconvenience to others. On top of that, I thought it meant I was weak. But, as it turns out, admitting you can’t do something (yet) and submitting yourself to the experience of learning — allowing yourself to be taught — actually lets you do more and makes you less of a burden to others in the long run.
It took me 3 semesters to finish my thesis. In the latter half of last year, I made a commitment to my thesis adviser, my mom (who served as my primary enabler), Jared, and my very own self. I swore that 2017 was going to be the year I finally graduate.
As a person, I admit I lack discipline. Each day, I struggle with low motivation, from getting up in the morning to falling asleep in bed. These are things I’m not proud of, and in my shame, I tried to hide them from everyone. But I sure as heck didn’t fool anyone. I felt even more ashamed of myself, thinking I would always be a disappointment.
I remember crying a lot because I thought my parents had gotten sick of supporting me. It only made sense — six years in college, what on earth was I doing? I thought I had been such a disappointment. Part of me even blamed myself for my mom’s sickness. I believed that going to school without a regular allowance, taking on odd jobs to finance my thesis, was repentance for my (continuing) sins.
Then came a time I couldn’t take it anymore. I took on a writing job that got me a few thousands in cash. It was just as good as my monthly salary these days, obviously not enough for me to get by for a whole semester. I instantly blew it all on some clothes and a few new pairs of shoes. Somebody finally convinced me to talk to my mom, apologize for my slow progress, and explain to her what my problems were. So I did, and she came up with an excellent mentoring system for me. I received a bi-weekly monetary reward in exchange of telling her my progress. Somehow it motivated me to actually work, because gone were my worries of where to get funds; I just had to show her I was actually getting things done.
All because I had admitted to her that I was having trouble finishing my thesis, instead of letting my pride talk and say “I got it” when I really didn’t. Thanks, mom!
This Awesome 2017
Overall, 2017 had its ups and downs, but it was awesome.
Because this year, I got to meet such awesome colleagues and coworkers. They’re all unique and one-of-a-kind people. They’re brilliant thinkers who have interesting ways of looking at things. What’s even more amazing is that they’re all so motivated to keep the advocacy for education alive. 😀 I do hope they all had a merry Christmas celebration, no matter how short, as we have to go back to work tomorrow and start proofing again. What else can I wish for? More blessings and success to everyone I guess. And true happiness for each one of them. 🙂
2017 was also an excellent year for family. Last year may have been full of uncertainties but this year things are now falling into place. And I’m happy. It’s only the beginning, and I look forward to every single moment that lies ahead. I can only hope for the best for all the people I care about. I wish each one of them would live a comfortable life, and with peace of mind that things will be all right. 🙂
What are your Christmas wishes? Was 2017 a good year for you?